He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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