I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
