No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
