I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
