Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A bitchslap is in order.
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