God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
