At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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