Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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