Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
