dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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