I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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