Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
