I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
