I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Say something about gay babies.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
