My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
