I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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