I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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