Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
