Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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