I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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