I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
