the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
