did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
