I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
