3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You have to summon your inner elephant
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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