Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
