Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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