Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
