we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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