The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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