I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
