I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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