mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize