She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
