Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize