I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize