i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize