I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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