Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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