You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
