Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
