what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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