there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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