Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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