Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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