so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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