sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
