Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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