Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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