I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
