Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
