You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
