Where is the hickey?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
