Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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