He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
