i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
