Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
