Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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