Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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