I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
