Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
