Don't make out with my wife yet
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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