He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
